Unconditional Love

I have live for 25 years but still i don't understand love..
What is LOVE?
Is it necessary for me to understand love?

Is there anyone in this world who can love me unconditionally besides my family?
Who will accept me the way I am..
Who will never asked me to change coz I am already perfect for him..
And if there is, will I love him unconditionally too?

I have found someone who I love so much..
I love him effortlessly..
No matter what he does, I still have this feelings for him..
I asked myself why I love him? Why him?
And for the first time I don't have any answer for myself..
I don't know why he is so special in my life..
I don't know why he is so important to me..
I don't know why I care so much bout him..
I don't know why I love him..
What I know is I love him more and more everyday..

I don't love him because he loves me..
I don't love him because he did this and that to me.
I don't love him because he is always there for me.
I don't love him because he care for me.
I just love him. Even if he didn't do anything.
I love him the way he is.
I still love him even when I can't see him.
I even love him in my dreams.

I'm not sure whether this feelings will stay with me forever..
I'm not sure if I will love him forever..
But i am sure that right now my heart is just for him.. only him..
Even if we can't be together.. I love him..

P/S: I Love You! You know who you are.. i guess...

25!

yes.. 25 years ago on this same date i was born..
i have experienced a lot since that day..
like others, my life has ups and downs..
there are times i questioned what am i doing here?
what is my purpose of life?

and to be honest, other than being His worshiper, i still don't know my purpose of life..
i mean, what makes me differ than others..
i have goals.. but i think my goals have no difference than other people..
to be happy, to be rich, to be successful, to have an abundant life..
so, whats the different?

i hope, as time goes by, i will find my purpose..
i hope my existence will not be wasted..
i hope i can do something big..
something honest, something sincere, something memorable..

p/s: thanks to everyone who pray for me and supported me throughout this journey.. i really appreciate it..

thank you God for giving me this chance to live.. thanks for the 'gift' that You sent to me on this birthday..
i am truly grateful...

Kampung

I just got back from my 'Kampung' yesterday..
My life has been miserable lately, so this holiday really helps me clearing my mind..

On the first day, i took some time alone relaxing at Tokwan's backyard..
As I reminiscence, I remembered that we used to have some family activities there when I was just a little girl.. One of it that I will never forget was "menimba"..
Now, the backyard is not as nice as those days.. But it still able to give me the peace that I long..

Here, i would like to share some pictures that I took using my phone..

On the next morning, we went to Sedim, Kulim for picnic..
5 families in 4 cars..
It took us 1 1/2 hours to reach there from Nibong Tebal, Penang.

To be updated later...

i've learn..

this couple of days, i've learn so many things till i thought my head are going to explode..
but maybe it's a good thing that i've learn all this now..

a very close person to me came to my house yesterday bringing a sad story that even worst than what i've been through..
i thought mine was already so bad, but there.. God showed to me that i should be grateful for what happen to me coz her life is more miserable than mine right now..
pity her for what happen to her.. and i really admire her for being so strong...

things that happened to me and her really give a big impact in my life..
i don't know whether it's good or bad..
but i think for now i'm giving up on love and relationship..
right now what i need are family, friends and career..


to my family and all my friends:
i'm sorry if i am not that fun right now.. i will try my very best to get over this soon.. if u know me well, u'll know that i never felt and act like this before.. so i hope u guys will bear with me for i am not myself for the time being..
but i promise u guys that i will get better soon and i'll be the annoying talkative Diana with the smile on my face again..
thanks so much for all the support and wise words..

aku baru faham..

masa kecik dulu aku selalu lepak dgn org lagi tua..
dgn orang-orang yang bercinta..
sepupu-sepupu, kakak-kakak, abang-abang, makcik-makcik, pakcik-pakcik..

bila diorang putus cinta..
aku dengar la ayat-ayat ni..
makan tak kenyang, mandi tak basah, tidur tak lena..

bila aku dah besar, tak pernah la pulak aku rasa macam tu..
aku pernah putus cinta sebelum ni, tapi aku makan je, mandi je, tidur je..
macam biasa.. sakit hati adalah..
so aku assume semua tu hanyalah metaphor untuk menggambarkan kesedihan..

tapi semalam..
setelah hampir 25 tahun aku dilahirkan dan hidup di dunia ni..
barulah aku faham yang semua tu memang betul.. bukan metaphor..

lepas aku dengar berita yang menyedihkan tu..
aku rasa dunia ni berpusing.. rasa gelap tiba-tiba..
nak muntah, nak pengsan, rasa nak gila..

aku cuba tidur tapi yang aku nampak cuma muka dia..
yang aku fikir hanya dia..
literally jantung aku rasa pedih.. sebak, sakit sangat!
penat menangis, mata bengkak, tapi tak boleh jugak nak tidur..
aku cuba nak makan.. tapi sesuap dan aku rasa kosong..
langsung tak boleh telan.. end up makanan tu masuk dalam pinggan kucing je..

aku rasa mcm mana aku describe perasaan aku pon..
hanya orang yang pernah alaminya sahaja yang akan faham..
sebab sebelum ni pon aku tak faham..
aku tak sangka bole sakit sampai macam ni..

dan sekarang aku faham kenapa ada antara kawan-kawan aku yang dah serik nak bercinta..
tapi aku tahu, setiap yang berlaku ada hikmahnya..
walaupon aku tak nampak di mana hikmahnya sekarang..
tapi aku tahu satu hari nanti aku akan bersyukur semua ni jadi..

aku harap perasaan ni akan hilang nanti..
sakit ni akan pergi jauh nanti..
sebab sekarang aku rasa sangat lemah dan penat..

p/s:i really hope all this will be over soon..

i'm not that strong

yes.. im just a woman..
a woman and a partner with a million hope..
but now it's empty.. my heart and my mind..
i can't feel it..

cant stop crying..
cant stop thinking..
what am i supposed to do??
its hard.. demm hard..
i can't believe this is happening...

p/s: thanks to a friend who tried to cheer me up by giving me the url of the video..
and thanks a million to all my friends who gave me wise words and support.. i love u all!

i'll be with him

yes, i want to live with him...

the one who will always make me smile..
who will always make me laugh..
who will shed my tears away..
who will always made my day..

who will have fun with me all the time..
who will scream with me on a roller coaster ride..
who will lie by my side at the beach..
who will jump happily with me at the lake..
who will sit beside me at a waterfall..
who will laugh loudly with me when i fall..
who will never be bored listening to my never ending stories..
who will never get tired telling me stories..

he will hug me tightly when i'm angry..
and will let me hug him when he is angry..
he will always hold my hand when we walk..
and will piggyback me when i'm tired..
he will pick me up from work..
and will drive me home safely..
he will give me advise when needed..
and will listen to my opinion and advise..
he will lecture me when i did something wrong..
he will know all my problems and will let me know his..

my friends will be his and his friends will be mine..
my hobbies will be his and his hobbies will be mine..
we will be best friends and lovers..
he will love me as much as i love him..
we will never leave each other alone..
we will share everything together.. forever..

no pretending.. no sweet talking.. no empty promises..

p/s: i am waiting