Friday, July 31, 2009


life seems pretty random these days..
my life is great and greater each day.. Alhamdulillah...
and lately i've been driving a lot..
i've been listening to x-fm and these songs have been repeated a thousand times..
i believe years from now, if i were to listen to these songs, it will definitely bring back all the memories.. *smile

p/s: i love my life!!!

Monday, July 27, 2009

Heart & Mind

sometimes my heart says something that doesn't rhyme with my mind..
and each time it makes me confuse..
every time things like this happen, i forced myself to choose..
and to tell the truth, it's the most difficult task to do!
because in the end, i still don't know whether my choice was right or wrong..

why my heart and my mind refused to cooperate with each other?
why am i in this situation?
why can't i lead a normal simple life like everyone else?
why is it so hard for me?

seriously, i'm tired.. i'm restless...
if i can just put aside my heart and my mind for one day, i'll definitely do it..
coz now it feels like i'm in the middle of a battle..
and i am fighting for both sides..
i am the hero for both servers..
and both of them are counting on me..

i have to be the judge in the courtroom..
my mind and my heart are the plaintiff and the defendant..
and both sides didn't give me enough facts and evidences..
so up until now, i still can't decide..
which one should win and which one should be punished..

p/s: confusion loves me so much and i can't get rid of it!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Friday Surprise!

last Friday...

Diyana, Kak Nad, Syaza and I..
we went to ah hong for the yummy mantis..
later on we went to Changkat for a meeting..
And then went to Bestari for supper..
it was the weirdest night ever..
Coz later I've been told that everything was planed but the planed was suddenly changed..

At 6am we were supposed to be at home coz all of us were already so tired..
But suddenly Kak Nad asked me to drive to Putrajaya to enjoy the view..
It was weird but what the heck.. I just follow..

I was on the phone when we reached Putra..
So I don't really pay attention to what's going on..
Suddenly Kak Nad and Diyana came to me carrying a box..
A box with light in it..
It was a surprise!!!

Thank You Girls!!!

cute cupcakes!

Yumm yummy!

I love everyone..
including the one on the phone! :)

p/s: I am older and learning to be wiser.. thanks korang!!! xoxo

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Unconditional Love

I have live for 25 years but still i don't understand love..
What is LOVE?
Is it necessary for me to understand love?

Is there anyone in this world who can love me unconditionally besides my family?
Who will accept me the way I am..
Who will never asked me to change coz I am already perfect for him..
And if there is, will I love him unconditionally too?

I have found someone who I love so much..
I love him effortlessly..
No matter what he does, I still have this feelings for him..
I asked myself why I love him? Why him?
And for the first time I don't have any answer for myself..
I don't know why he is so special in my life..
I don't know why he is so important to me..
I don't know why I care so much bout him..
I don't know why I love him..
What I know is I love him more and more everyday..

I don't love him because he loves me..
I don't love him because he did this and that to me.
I don't love him because he is always there for me.
I don't love him because he care for me.
I just love him. Even if he didn't do anything.
I love him the way he is.
I still love him even when I can't see him.
I even love him in my dreams.

I'm not sure whether this feelings will stay with me forever..
I'm not sure if I will love him forever..
But i am sure that right now my heart is just for him.. only him..
Even if we can't be together.. I love him..

P/S: I Love You! You know who you are.. i guess...

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


yes.. 25 years ago on this same date i was born..
i have experienced a lot since that day..
like others, my life has ups and downs..
there are times i questioned what am i doing here?
what is my purpose of life?

and to be honest, other than being His worshiper, i still don't know my purpose of life..
i mean, what makes me differ than others..
i have goals.. but i think my goals have no difference than other people..
to be happy, to be rich, to be successful, to have an abundant life..
so, whats the different?

i hope, as time goes by, i will find my purpose..
i hope my existence will not be wasted..
i hope i can do something big..
something honest, something sincere, something memorable..

p/s: thanks to everyone who pray for me and supported me throughout this journey.. i really appreciate it..

thank you God for giving me this chance to live.. thanks for the 'gift' that You sent to me on this birthday..
i am truly grateful...

Monday, July 13, 2009


I just got back from my 'Kampung' yesterday..
My life has been miserable lately, so this holiday really helps me clearing my mind..

On the first day, i took some time alone relaxing at Tokwan's backyard..
As I reminiscence, I remembered that we used to have some family activities there when I was just a little girl.. One of it that I will never forget was "menimba"..
Now, the backyard is not as nice as those days.. But it still able to give me the peace that I long..

Here, i would like to share some pictures that I took using my phone..

On the next morning, we went to Sedim, Kulim for picnic..
5 families in 4 cars..
It took us 1 1/2 hours to reach there from Nibong Tebal, Penang.

To be updated later...

Monday, July 06, 2009

i've learn..

this couple of days, i've learn so many things till i thought my head are going to explode..
but maybe it's a good thing that i've learn all this now..

a very close person to me came to my house yesterday bringing a sad story that even worst than what i've been through..
i thought mine was already so bad, but there.. God showed to me that i should be grateful for what happen to me coz her life is more miserable than mine right now..
pity her for what happen to her.. and i really admire her for being so strong...

things that happened to me and her really give a big impact in my life..
i don't know whether it's good or bad..
but i think for now i'm giving up on love and relationship..
right now what i need are family, friends and career..

to my family and all my friends:
i'm sorry if i am not that fun right now.. i will try my very best to get over this soon.. if u know me well, u'll know that i never felt and act like this before.. so i hope u guys will bear with me for i am not myself for the time being..
but i promise u guys that i will get better soon and i'll be the annoying talkative Diana with the smile on my face again..
thanks so much for all the support and wise words..

Saturday, July 04, 2009

aku baru faham..

masa kecik dulu aku selalu lepak dgn org lagi tua..
dgn orang-orang yang bercinta..
sepupu-sepupu, kakak-kakak, abang-abang, makcik-makcik, pakcik-pakcik..

bila diorang putus cinta..
aku dengar la ayat-ayat ni..
makan tak kenyang, mandi tak basah, tidur tak lena..

bila aku dah besar, tak pernah la pulak aku rasa macam tu..
aku pernah putus cinta sebelum ni, tapi aku makan je, mandi je, tidur je..
macam biasa.. sakit hati adalah..
so aku assume semua tu hanyalah metaphor untuk menggambarkan kesedihan..

tapi semalam..
setelah hampir 25 tahun aku dilahirkan dan hidup di dunia ni..
barulah aku faham yang semua tu memang betul.. bukan metaphor..

lepas aku dengar berita yang menyedihkan tu..
aku rasa dunia ni berpusing.. rasa gelap tiba-tiba..
nak muntah, nak pengsan, rasa nak gila..

aku cuba tidur tapi yang aku nampak cuma muka dia..
yang aku fikir hanya dia..
literally jantung aku rasa pedih.. sebak, sakit sangat!
penat menangis, mata bengkak, tapi tak boleh jugak nak tidur..
aku cuba nak makan.. tapi sesuap dan aku rasa kosong..
langsung tak boleh telan.. end up makanan tu masuk dalam pinggan kucing je..

aku rasa mcm mana aku describe perasaan aku pon..
hanya orang yang pernah alaminya sahaja yang akan faham..
sebab sebelum ni pon aku tak faham..
aku tak sangka bole sakit sampai macam ni..

dan sekarang aku faham kenapa ada antara kawan-kawan aku yang dah serik nak bercinta..
tapi aku tahu, setiap yang berlaku ada hikmahnya..
walaupon aku tak nampak di mana hikmahnya sekarang..
tapi aku tahu satu hari nanti aku akan bersyukur semua ni jadi..

aku harap perasaan ni akan hilang nanti..
sakit ni akan pergi jauh nanti..
sebab sekarang aku rasa sangat lemah dan penat..

p/s:i really hope all this will be over soon..

Friday, July 03, 2009

i'm not that strong

yes.. im just a woman..
a woman and a partner with a million hope..
but now it's empty.. my heart and my mind..
i can't feel it..

cant stop crying..
cant stop thinking..
what am i supposed to do??
its hard.. demm hard..
i can't believe this is happening...

p/s: thanks to a friend who tried to cheer me up by giving me the url of the video..
and thanks a million to all my friends who gave me wise words and support.. i love u all!